Week 12

With only four teams going into the playoffs (and Thomas and Hong already locking in their spots), it was a wild week as four games went to the wire. Who will be able to challenge Tae and Jon for the last two playoff spots? Can Thomas go undefeated in the regular season? Is Hong really this good? We'll find out with just two more weeks to go!

The Dog Whisperer (2210) vs Team Rich (2041)
Rich's team has scored more points than both Tae and Jon but sit two games behind them. If they can win both games and Jon or Tae lose one, then they should be in. It looks like the team is hitting its stride too, as Carson Palmer (391) and Tom Brady (422) finally have some help in the form of Chester Taylor (248) and Rudi Johnson (236). The question is, can any of the WRs step up? Aside from Kellen Winslow, the team isn't getting great receiving production. As for the Dogs, they're going to have QB issues from here on out as Marc Bulger (-2) suffers another concussion. Buoyed by Frank Gore's big week (603), Jon's team will need to fight their way into a playoff spot.

Call Me Mr G (1657) vs Ask About Me (1562)
The dream is over. After losing three straight games, Will is three games out and won't be playing for a playoff spot. With both DeShaun Foster (-13) and Titans D (-35) notching negative efforts, the game was close but not overly competitive. Jermaine won mainly behind the throwing arm of Philip Rivers (385), who managed to outduel Matt Schaub and Jon Kitna. In the end, well, it was a good run wasn't it Will? At least they have one more thing to play for. Will plays Thomas in two weeks, the last game of the regular season. Only they can toe the line between an undefeated season for Thomas (well, unless Rich gets a win this week).

El Nino's (2714) vs Bad News Bruins (2639)
Tae deserved to win this game. With this win, they would have easily slid into a playoff spot. Instead, Hong flexed his muscles in a high scoring affair. In what might have been the highest scoring matchup of the year, Hong had three players go over 300 points -- Wes Welker, Antonio Gates, Fred Taylor -- and got 477 points from Larry Fitzgerald. Tae had QBs Brett Favre (464) and Kurt Warner (451) go wild, proving that experience will beat Eli Manning and Sage Rosefels (combined 147 points) every time. Donald Driver had an outstanding game (344) but in the end, Tae fell just a bit short in a very exciting game between two top teams.

Vultures (2134) vs StickIT2Em (1506)
So much for a giant upset. Ben forgot to put in his lineup, again, and Thomas rolls to a win. That's all.

Renegadez (2188) vs Redskins (2099)
While neither team has a chance of making the playoffs, there's no quit in either Rene or Chris. In a battle for bragging rights, Rene cashed in on the resurgence of Drew Brees (432) and Jamal Lewis (364) to sneak by Chris. Chris finally had Peyton Manning throw for a good game (372) but it wasn't nearly enough, despite the good play of Green Bay surprise running star Ryan Grant (354) and the Cowboys D (360). Both of these teams are just playing the string out but there's no quit in them as they'll battle till the end.

Next Week: Vultures vs Team Rich, who can knock Thomas out? Only two more shots, let's go Rich!

Week 11: Thanksgiving Edition

Vultures (11-0)
Thomas is like the Neo in this fantasy football Matrix, dodging bullet after bullet. Each week it seems like another owner should have made a decision that topples the king, yet Thomas remains undefeated and headed toward eternal glory. We can only hope that Thomas' next few weeks will suck like The Matrix Reloaded. Thomas is thankful for the resurgence of Randy Moss, the emergence of Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger, and for his little horchata, LaDainian Tomlinson.

El Nino's (7-4)
Nobody can figure out how Hong has maintained his ranking in the standings. Name his best player. Um, Brian Westbrook (who's constantly injured)? The QB situation is horrendous with Eli Manning and Sage Rosenfels, or Gus Frerotte, or whomever is available on the wire. His other two RBs, Willie Parker and Fred Taylor are hardly the stuff of legend. Perhaps Hong is thankful for his receiving corps of Marques Colston, Larry Fitzgerald, Atonio Gates, Jerricho Cotchery, and Wes Welker. Pretty much, the El Nino's are kicking ass and nobody knows why.

Bad News Bruins (7-4)
Tae is thankful that his ship has righted, with four wins in a row, after falling to 3-4 in Week Seven. Despite underachievers dotting the roster -- Larry Johnson, Laurence Maroney, Steve Smith -- there been enough here to bring Tae to the top. Mainly, it's the inspired play of Brett Favre, who could be a leading MVP candidate. The Bruins, who have undergone many name changes this season, is happy that Larry Johnson sucked so bad that getting injured was probably a good thing.

The Dog Whisperer (6-5)
Jon had his biggest offensive output Week One (2463) and since then, has steadily remained around the 1900 point mark. That's good enough for a playoff spot -- so far. The Dogs wish they could take back Braylon Edwards -- exchanged for Andre Johnson, who's played one game -- like the Indians wish they had let the Pilgrims starve. Will, I'll trade you Gore for him. Gore's 2,000 yard declaration was bunk!

Team Rich (5-6)
Rich is happy to be the second highest scoring team in the league. Unfortunately, that means nothing as they've lost more games than they've won and will need a boost to make the playoffs. With some savvy waiver wire work and trades, Rich has turned his team into something impressive on paper. Then again, they're 2-3 in their last five weeks. Rich is mainly happy that Tom Brady and the Patriots are out to annihilate the competition, stopping just short of scalping opponents.

Redskins (5-6)
Thomas is thankful that Peyton Manning sucks and put up only 95 points in WK11 to prevent a Vultures' loss. Chris is thankful that his team is peaking and put up 2513 points in a narrow defeat. Actually, wait. Chris could have won by playing his main man, Chris Cooley too. Damn team loyalty. Always play your Redskins! Always! Fantasy football rule #1. Chris is thankful that Thomas Jones hasn't found the end zone yet.

Ask About Me (4-7)
Will is delighted to have a four game win streak after opening the season with five straight losses. He's also very happy to have traded away Drew Brees -- well, not really, since he's hot again while Donovan McNabb is floundering. At least they stole Braylon Edwards away from the Dogs! Will will need a huge next couple of weaks to slip into the playoffs. Huge.

Call Me Mr G (4-7)
Jermaine would like the thank Terrell Owens. And thank him again. And again. He would also like to thank Adrian Peterson. And then curse the day he got injured.

Renegadez (4-7)
Rene's team has tanked after starting the season off decently strong. They were in the mix at 4-3 until a series of poor lineup decisions helped them to four straight losses. It might be too late to recover now however. At least Rene has Jack and Coke to wallow in his sorrow.

StickIT2Em (2-9)
Every team in the league would like to thank Ben for never playing his guys and losing nine games in a row (after opening 2-0). They've put up three sub-1000 games, including a 447 point gem in Week Six. Matt Leinart would like to thank Ben for giving him a chance to start despite having been injured since, well, since forever.

Ben says "My goal is go out strong, to spoil someone's day before the season is over." In related news, Ben plays Thomas this week. This would be the greatest upset of all time. Of All Time.

Week 10

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears, it's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear. This might have been our most competitive week ever. Only one game was a true blow out (1442 vs 870) but the other four games went to the wire. Heck, one game was decided by just one yard! As Thomas streaks to a possible undefeated season, Hong, Tae, Jon, and Chris are fighting neck and neck for second place. How many teams make the playoffs Will? Are there byes? Anyway, on to the show!


Redskins (1872) vs The Dog Whisperers (1870)
Disgusted with the events of November 2nd, Chris came out guns blazing and mowed down his former boss. Well, mowed down isn't quite accurate. Beat by a yard is more like it. Somehow, Chris had the foresight to start Packers' RB Ryan Grant, who exploded for 363 points. Along with Vince Young's 317 points -- outpacing Peyton Manning's 249, the Skins eked out a dramatic win to put themselves into playoff position. The Cesar Milan's had Matt Hasselbeck and Reggie Wayne hook up for a combined 744 points but like the Titans in the 2000, they came up one yard short.

El Nino's (2328) vs Ask About Me (2230)
Despite an empty QB and WR slot, Hong's team put a quick end to Will's four game winning streak. By riding Brian Westbrook's 571 points and relying on Seahawks defense to make a big stand on Monday Night (a shutout of Will's beloved 49ers for 350 pts), Hong moves himself into second place yet again. Will's running back by committee -- Jesse Chatman and Selvin Young -- performed admirably with 656 points combined and when QB Donovan McNabb exploding for 464 points, a victory was just about in the bag. But alas, Hong shows Will who's boss by edging him out for a narrow victory.

Bad News Bruins (2039) vs Team Rich (1652)
The Bruins have won three in a row and maybe they've recovered some of that belly fire that they started the season with. Brett Favre is vying for league MVP and he shows again why he's ageless and a certain HoF with 477 points. Even Kurt Warner, fabled veteran and former grocery clerk, contributed 310 points. In order for Tae's team to keep winning, he's going to have to weather the loss of Larry Johnson -- who was being benched anyway -- and hope that Laurence Maroney can step it up. Rich has some running back problems of his own as Travis Henry took a seat and his replacement, Selvin Young, had a fine game. Rich's team had a mediocre week with Tom Brady on the bench and couldn't put up many points.

Call Me Mr G (1442) vs StickIT2Em (870)
I refuse to discuss Ben's team until he changes his lineup. R-E-F-U-S-E. Jermaine didn't really need Terrell Owens big 400 point game but it was nice to have. With Adrian Peterson now hobbled, it's the perfect time for first round pick and huge disappointment Steven Jackson to pick up the slack, something he did with 337 points this week. Ben, change your lineup! Pretty please?

Vultures (2310) vs Renegadez (2196)
You know the old Marvel Comics, "What If...?" Like "What if Wolverine wasn't Canadian?" Or "What if Bruce Banner wasn't such a wussy?" Our "What If" question goes like this: What if Rene had played Maurice Jones-Drew (instead of Jamal Lewis versus a tough Steelers' defense)? The answer to that would have been a loss for Thomas' Vultures. Instead, Jason Campbell's fine 330 point performance -- and Warrick Dunn's 355 -- were all for naught as the Vultures roll to yet another victory.

With the majority of their byes out of the way, the Vultures are locked and loaded for a historic reason. Damn Big Ben and Tony Romo, who combined for 930 points Sunday. How many more weeks can Thomas dodge the bullet? Just four more wins gets them an unprecendented undefeated (regular) season. Someone stop him! Let freedom ring!

Next week: Vultures vs Redskins. Let's go for a bigger margin of victory than 2 points Chris! Blow Thomas out! Or at least just beat him...

Week 9

I'm not sure how many teams get in the playoffs but when the second place team is at a mediocre 5-4, with six teams at 5-4 or 4-5, the last few weeks of the season could be crucial. Thomas has already secured a playoff spot by holding off yet another #2 ranked challenger. That's disgusting. But you know, in a good way.

Vultures (2445) vs The Dog Whisperer (1892)
Despite a lofty challenge set forth by taking on an undefeated team, The Dog Whisperers rose to the challenge behind WR Andre Johnson and RB Frank Gore. Both fantastic players scored over 500 points apiece as the Dogs bullied the Vultures to their first defeat. Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger tried to make it a game with 400+ points each but they were no match for the offensive force that is the Whisperers. Or maybe none of this happened and Thomas remained undefeated and the proud owner of a free meal at the fast food joint of his choice. You figure out what's fact or fiction.

Ask About Me (2152) vs Renegadez (1212)
After failing to play half their lineup again, the Renegadez conceded an easy victory to Will -- who is streaking and won his fourth in a row. Going against his number one draft pick, QB Drew Brees, Will must have been worried about his chances. However, the Titans defense (330), Earnest Graham (344), and Jon Kitna (332) pulled through and helped put enough points on the board to almost double up on Rene. Nay-Nay, put your players in!

Call Me Mr G (2444) vs Redskins (1933)
Chris got crushed by a freight train this week. Adrian Peterson’s 770 points might be an individual season high and his record setting day pushed Jermaine to a big win. Taking advantage of Peterson’s running and Terrell Owen’s pass catching (458), Jermaine is riding the two man game to sporatic victories. The Skins need to desperately right the ship after two losses in a row but Peyton Manning is clearly not a top three fantasy QB at this point. Can he pick it up a few notches to give Chris some superstar support?

Team Rich (2174) vs El Nino’s (1762)
Despite only showing up to work twice a week, Rich makes good use of his time to trash talk the opposition. This week, he found an unfamiliar hero, WR Lee Evans, who scored 435 points in a season high for him. With the continued foundation of super QBs Tom Brady and Carson Palmer (676 pts combined), Team Rich needs some help from his running game to continue his success. Rudi Johnson, Shaun Alexander, and Travis Henry combined for a touch over 200 points. Hong’s team on the other hand experienced a breakout game of his own as WR Marques Colston finally showed his rookie form and scored 368 points in a losing effort. Subbing out Eli Manning would have been nice. Would have been……

Bad News Bruins (2165) vs StickIT2Em (1084)
Maybe Rene and Ben should co-manage a team. Together, they’ve managed to put half squads in play each of the past couple of weeks. Ben has lost seven games in a row and Matt Leinart is still starting for him. As is Sammy Morris, who is out for the season. Ben, please do something! Anything! Even if it means trading me Joseph Addai. Hint hint. Tae’s high scorer was WR Bobby Engram. Who? Yeah, exactly. But hey, it was more than enough to double up on Ben’s score this week.

Week 8

Vultures (1660) vs Call Me Mr G (1304)
Do we detect a chink in the armor? Did Thomas' team score only 1660 points this week? Uh oh. When the Patriots D is your top scorer (with 400 pts), isn't it time to panic? I believe it is. The Vultures have decided to fire their current coach and hire Joe Torre. "We're really big Dodger fans so in solidarity, we want to get their new skipper on our side too. We've also decided to throw Brad Penny behind center this weekend to see what happens. Might be fun!" Jermaine confirmed this week that he is alive and well even thoug hhis team suffered from sub-par performances all around. This was the week to pull a huge upset but Call Me Mr G couldn't quite pull it off. Maybe a defense and tight end would have made the difference? But it's hard to fault not having a backup TE or Def during a bye week.

Ask About Me (2072) vs Team Rich (1978)
Wow, when Will starts to win, he really doesn't stop. With three wins and a head full of steam, Will parlayed Donovan McNabb and Braylon Edwards' big days into a tight victory over close friend and pajama party buddy Rich. It's starting to look like Braylon will be a top five receiver this year so Will got a hell of a deal in his trade with Jon. As for Rich? He would have won if RBs Rudi Johnson and Travis Henry hadn't submitted big fat zeros. With Lee Evans turning it on this week (361 pts) and Tom Brady remaining out of this world (541 pts), Rich is still a heavyweight contender despite a close loss. Okay, maybe not heavyweight, but welterweight?

Dog Killers (1893) vs Renegadez (1049)
Well, Rene played six players on bye so really, that's all she wrote. The great news is that Drew Brees accounted for half of his 1049 points, the bad news is, well, six players were on bye.

El Nino's (1720) vs StickIT2Em (1131)
I feel like Ben's not paying attention, anyone else concur? Another week, another three guys on bye. Joe Horn is a starting WR in 1% of Yahoo leagues, that 1% being our league. I mean, Ben has some talent on his roster but they can't get on the field? I think Ben's trying to make a statement to his players. Hong on the other hand is riding the hot wave of Wes Welker and a newly rejuvenated Marques Colston, despite the fact that his QBs combined for 104 points this week. Yeah, 104.

Bad News Bruins (2287) vs Redskins (1120)
Easily one of Tae's finest performances of the season. The Bruins stopped the freight train that was Chris and halted him behind 403 points from Brett Favre and 465 points from the Chargers D. The Bruins look to be in decent shape in the backfield, even though Larry Johnson still kinda sucks. With Brandon Jacobs, Laurence Maroney, and LenDale White starting for their team, the points are rolling in for Tae. For Chris, it was just a case of a bad week as nobody performed well except for old stalwart Peyton Manning (323 pts).

Next week: Vultures vs Dirty Birds. Yet another #1 vs #2 matchup. It feels like each week Thomas sits atop the hill as the champion while new contenders emerge. He's like the Hulk Hogan of Omnis Fantasy. Luckily, Jon is the Ultimate Warrior circa Wrestlemania 6. Bonus question: What was Ultimate Warrior's first wrestling name? Bonus question 2: Who was his partner back then?