Week 11: Thanksgiving Edition

Vultures (11-0)
Thomas is like the Neo in this fantasy football Matrix, dodging bullet after bullet. Each week it seems like another owner should have made a decision that topples the king, yet Thomas remains undefeated and headed toward eternal glory. We can only hope that Thomas' next few weeks will suck like The Matrix Reloaded. Thomas is thankful for the resurgence of Randy Moss, the emergence of Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger, and for his little horchata, LaDainian Tomlinson.

El Nino's (7-4)
Nobody can figure out how Hong has maintained his ranking in the standings. Name his best player. Um, Brian Westbrook (who's constantly injured)? The QB situation is horrendous with Eli Manning and Sage Rosenfels, or Gus Frerotte, or whomever is available on the wire. His other two RBs, Willie Parker and Fred Taylor are hardly the stuff of legend. Perhaps Hong is thankful for his receiving corps of Marques Colston, Larry Fitzgerald, Atonio Gates, Jerricho Cotchery, and Wes Welker. Pretty much, the El Nino's are kicking ass and nobody knows why.

Bad News Bruins (7-4)
Tae is thankful that his ship has righted, with four wins in a row, after falling to 3-4 in Week Seven. Despite underachievers dotting the roster -- Larry Johnson, Laurence Maroney, Steve Smith -- there been enough here to bring Tae to the top. Mainly, it's the inspired play of Brett Favre, who could be a leading MVP candidate. The Bruins, who have undergone many name changes this season, is happy that Larry Johnson sucked so bad that getting injured was probably a good thing.

The Dog Whisperer (6-5)
Jon had his biggest offensive output Week One (2463) and since then, has steadily remained around the 1900 point mark. That's good enough for a playoff spot -- so far. The Dogs wish they could take back Braylon Edwards -- exchanged for Andre Johnson, who's played one game -- like the Indians wish they had let the Pilgrims starve. Will, I'll trade you Gore for him. Gore's 2,000 yard declaration was bunk!

Team Rich (5-6)
Rich is happy to be the second highest scoring team in the league. Unfortunately, that means nothing as they've lost more games than they've won and will need a boost to make the playoffs. With some savvy waiver wire work and trades, Rich has turned his team into something impressive on paper. Then again, they're 2-3 in their last five weeks. Rich is mainly happy that Tom Brady and the Patriots are out to annihilate the competition, stopping just short of scalping opponents.

Redskins (5-6)
Thomas is thankful that Peyton Manning sucks and put up only 95 points in WK11 to prevent a Vultures' loss. Chris is thankful that his team is peaking and put up 2513 points in a narrow defeat. Actually, wait. Chris could have won by playing his main man, Chris Cooley too. Damn team loyalty. Always play your Redskins! Always! Fantasy football rule #1. Chris is thankful that Thomas Jones hasn't found the end zone yet.

Ask About Me (4-7)
Will is delighted to have a four game win streak after opening the season with five straight losses. He's also very happy to have traded away Drew Brees -- well, not really, since he's hot again while Donovan McNabb is floundering. At least they stole Braylon Edwards away from the Dogs! Will will need a huge next couple of weaks to slip into the playoffs. Huge.

Call Me Mr G (4-7)
Jermaine would like the thank Terrell Owens. And thank him again. And again. He would also like to thank Adrian Peterson. And then curse the day he got injured.

Renegadez (4-7)
Rene's team has tanked after starting the season off decently strong. They were in the mix at 4-3 until a series of poor lineup decisions helped them to four straight losses. It might be too late to recover now however. At least Rene has Jack and Coke to wallow in his sorrow.

StickIT2Em (2-9)
Every team in the league would like to thank Ben for never playing his guys and losing nine games in a row (after opening 2-0). They've put up three sub-1000 games, including a 447 point gem in Week Six. Matt Leinart would like to thank Ben for giving him a chance to start despite having been injured since, well, since forever.

Ben says "My goal is go out strong, to spoil someone's day before the season is over." In related news, Ben plays Thomas this week. This would be the greatest upset of all time. Of All Time.