Super Bowl: Upsetville!

Bad News Bruins (2687) vs Vultures (2118)
Incredible, the biggest upset in OSL fantasy football history finally arrived and much to Thomas' luck, it was in the championship. Early season favorite and our favorite IT guy, Tae, finally got his team on track the last few weeks and ran through the playoff gauntlet by taking out both the #1 and #2 seeds on the way to a championship. Obviously, they picked a great time to go on a roll and even though team MVP Brett Favre had a lowly 63 points, the rest of the team really stepped up. Led by RB Brandon Jacobs, who went crazy with 423 points, the Bad News Bruins completed their at times disappointing season to a fairy tale finish.

Steve Smith, the much maligned superstar receiver, broke out with 379 points. Kurt Warner, old fogey that he is, still stood up long enough to toss up 485 points. With Marion Barber (327) and LenDale White (206) grinding up the yards and a stiff Chargers defense (365), the Bruins locked up the game way before Thomas' LaDainian Tomlinson could get on the field Monday night.

How did the Vultures lose in their biggest game of the year? Well, it was mainly a failure of the passing game. While Big Ben Roethlisberger threw for 425 points, Tony Romo was only average with 275 points. Randy Moss, Chad Johnson, Hines Ward, and Owen Daniels combined for only 597 points total. In addition, the run game was solid but not spectacular as LDT (298), Jerious Norwood (196), and Kevin Jones (47) all came up with average performances.

In the end, it turns out that on any given Sunday, anybody can be the champ, even when facing a behemoth of an undefeated team like the Vultures. Congratulations Bad News Bruins!

Playoffs: Conference Champs

Here we go, it's Thomas' chance at history. With fifteen games won in a row, it'll only take one more victory to claim an undefeated season. After handily dispatching Jon by a score of 2104 - 1854, the Vultures aren't exactly peaking, but they should have enough to take care of business. Actually, the truthfulness of that last statement will depend a lot on Tony Romo's thumb. After having a disastrous week, can Romo bounce back? Still, with Ben Roethlisberger, Randy Moss, Chad Johnson, Hines Ward, and LaDainian Tomlinson lined up, Thomas should be ready to go.

As for who the Vultures will be facing, it's Tae's Bad News Bruins, who are definitely on a roll and capable of knocking off anybody right now. By upsetting the El Nino's 2274 - 1710, the Bruins have really turned in a brilliant season. With Brett Favre and Kurt Warner playing splendidly and Brandon Jacobs, Marion Barber, and Lendale White grinding up the yards, Tae has an outside chance of an upset. However, it's a VERY outside chance since Thomas looks like a team of destiny this year.

We'll see come Sunday won't we?

Regular Season Recap

Hey, at least we still got a league! Now that 90% of the league is not at Omnis anymore, we can only hope that the next few weeks will yield an exciting end to the season. Let's take a quick look at what our teams ended up doing for the season; our first and last?

PRETENDERS
StickIT2Em (2-12)
After roaring out of the gates to a 2-0 record, Ben's team went 0-12 the rest of the way. Bravo? It probably had something to do with never setting his lineup. Just maybe. MVP? Nobody.

Ask About Me (5-9)
Will started off with five straight losses before ripping of four wins to get back in contention. Sadly, the loss of Ronnie Brown (among other things) doomed them to a 1-4 finish and second to last place. They did finish with the fourth highest scoring in the league though, if that's any consolation.

Call Me Mr G (6-8)
Jermaine sure liked pairs this year. Two losses, one win, two losses, one win, two losses, two wins, one loss, two wins. Add it all up and it's a losing record despite the awesomeness that was Adrian Peterson. Terrell Owens, Greg Jennings, and Tony Gonzalez was nice (plus Marvin Harrison) but nothing could overcome the up and down quarterback play of Philip Rivers and Jeff Garcia.

Redskins (6-8)
Chris was looking pretty good at mid-season, with a 4-3 record, before the wheels came off and 2-5 followed. Peyton Manning wasn't good enough to carry dead weight -- Vince Young, Alex Smith, Anquan Boldin, Antwaan Randle-El, Julius Jones, the list goes on -- and the recent find of Ryan Grant was too little too late.

Team Rich (6-8)
The self proclaimed best team in the league right after our draft instead finished in the bottom half of the standings. Despite the presence of all world Tom Brady and the stellar Carson Palmer, Rich couldn't get his team on track all year. Would you believe Kellen Winslow was the third best player here? He's a tight end! RB Kenny Watson outscored Shaun Alexander this season (2181 to 1542).

Renegadez (7-7)
Rene had a chance to squeak into the playoffs but there were a few weeks there when his lineup was less than prepared (WK 8 and 9). He even had a chance to beat Thomas at one point. Alas, three straight wins to close out the season couldn't overcome the four losses before that. With a nice QB tandem at the end there, Drew Brees and Derek Anderson, and a good running game (Maurice Jones-Drew, Edgerrin James, Jamal Lewis), this team wasn't too bad.

CONTENDERS
Dog Whisperers (7-7)
The Dog Whisperers, now renamed to "23 Months," stumble into the playoffs closing the regular season with a 2-4 record. While still outfitted with the best receivers in the game -- Reggie Wayne, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Andre Johnson, Plaxico Burress -- the 23s will need RBs Frank Gore and Marshawn Lynch to step up, especially with Reggie Bush out. Can Matt Hasselbeck and David Garrard lead this team to a huge upset over Thomas?

Bad News Bruins (8-6)
Tae's team might have earned their original "Gutsy Little Bruins" name back. Finishing 5-2 and fired up for the playoffs, Tae has the red hot Marion Barber, the mummified Brett Favre and Kurt Warner, and not much else. Their top three draft picks, Larry Johnson, Laurence Maroney, and Steve Smith have been near useless all season so Tae's efforts have been qutie incredible indeed. Someone needs to step up to avenge the high scoring loss to Hong in WK12 and get to the next round, who will it be?

El Nino's (9-5)
The mojo that is Hong shows itself again with a great record. With four wins against just one loss (plus a season high 2967 points last week), they are churning coming into the playoffs. Looking over this roster, nobody has any idea how Hong's doing it. Actually, the Nino's seem to have quite a good stable of skill position players. Willie Parker, Brian Westbrook, and Fred Taylor run the ball well. Larry Fitzgerald, Wes Welker, Marques Colston, and Antonio Gates are all top tier receivers. And Seattle defense has been astounding (fantasy wise). The only problem is the horrific quarterback duo of Eli Manning and Kyle Boller. Still, Hong's got aces up his sleeve!

Vultures (14-0)
Thomas should retire. There, I said it. He should retire because he just did the unthinkable. A perfect (regular) season. Anybody else would have gotten a championship belt for himself already. But Thomas is humble. The last few weeks were fraught with peril as they won by just 134 versus Rene and 81 against Chris. They averaged 2369.93 points a game this season (over 200+ to their closest competitor). Led by Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger, Thomas has been unstoppable. Randy Moss, best receiver in the game. LaDainian Tomlinson, best running back in the game. Tack on Chad Johnson and Hines Ward and that's all she wrote. Two more wins for a real perfect season, unbelievable...

League MVP: Tony Romo
GM of the Year: Thomas

Week 12

With only four teams going into the playoffs (and Thomas and Hong already locking in their spots), it was a wild week as four games went to the wire. Who will be able to challenge Tae and Jon for the last two playoff spots? Can Thomas go undefeated in the regular season? Is Hong really this good? We'll find out with just two more weeks to go!

The Dog Whisperer (2210) vs Team Rich (2041)
Rich's team has scored more points than both Tae and Jon but sit two games behind them. If they can win both games and Jon or Tae lose one, then they should be in. It looks like the team is hitting its stride too, as Carson Palmer (391) and Tom Brady (422) finally have some help in the form of Chester Taylor (248) and Rudi Johnson (236). The question is, can any of the WRs step up? Aside from Kellen Winslow, the team isn't getting great receiving production. As for the Dogs, they're going to have QB issues from here on out as Marc Bulger (-2) suffers another concussion. Buoyed by Frank Gore's big week (603), Jon's team will need to fight their way into a playoff spot.

Call Me Mr G (1657) vs Ask About Me (1562)
The dream is over. After losing three straight games, Will is three games out and won't be playing for a playoff spot. With both DeShaun Foster (-13) and Titans D (-35) notching negative efforts, the game was close but not overly competitive. Jermaine won mainly behind the throwing arm of Philip Rivers (385), who managed to outduel Matt Schaub and Jon Kitna. In the end, well, it was a good run wasn't it Will? At least they have one more thing to play for. Will plays Thomas in two weeks, the last game of the regular season. Only they can toe the line between an undefeated season for Thomas (well, unless Rich gets a win this week).

El Nino's (2714) vs Bad News Bruins (2639)
Tae deserved to win this game. With this win, they would have easily slid into a playoff spot. Instead, Hong flexed his muscles in a high scoring affair. In what might have been the highest scoring matchup of the year, Hong had three players go over 300 points -- Wes Welker, Antonio Gates, Fred Taylor -- and got 477 points from Larry Fitzgerald. Tae had QBs Brett Favre (464) and Kurt Warner (451) go wild, proving that experience will beat Eli Manning and Sage Rosefels (combined 147 points) every time. Donald Driver had an outstanding game (344) but in the end, Tae fell just a bit short in a very exciting game between two top teams.

Vultures (2134) vs StickIT2Em (1506)
So much for a giant upset. Ben forgot to put in his lineup, again, and Thomas rolls to a win. That's all.

Renegadez (2188) vs Redskins (2099)
While neither team has a chance of making the playoffs, there's no quit in either Rene or Chris. In a battle for bragging rights, Rene cashed in on the resurgence of Drew Brees (432) and Jamal Lewis (364) to sneak by Chris. Chris finally had Peyton Manning throw for a good game (372) but it wasn't nearly enough, despite the good play of Green Bay surprise running star Ryan Grant (354) and the Cowboys D (360). Both of these teams are just playing the string out but there's no quit in them as they'll battle till the end.

Next Week: Vultures vs Team Rich, who can knock Thomas out? Only two more shots, let's go Rich!

Week 11: Thanksgiving Edition

Vultures (11-0)
Thomas is like the Neo in this fantasy football Matrix, dodging bullet after bullet. Each week it seems like another owner should have made a decision that topples the king, yet Thomas remains undefeated and headed toward eternal glory. We can only hope that Thomas' next few weeks will suck like The Matrix Reloaded. Thomas is thankful for the resurgence of Randy Moss, the emergence of Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger, and for his little horchata, LaDainian Tomlinson.

El Nino's (7-4)
Nobody can figure out how Hong has maintained his ranking in the standings. Name his best player. Um, Brian Westbrook (who's constantly injured)? The QB situation is horrendous with Eli Manning and Sage Rosenfels, or Gus Frerotte, or whomever is available on the wire. His other two RBs, Willie Parker and Fred Taylor are hardly the stuff of legend. Perhaps Hong is thankful for his receiving corps of Marques Colston, Larry Fitzgerald, Atonio Gates, Jerricho Cotchery, and Wes Welker. Pretty much, the El Nino's are kicking ass and nobody knows why.

Bad News Bruins (7-4)
Tae is thankful that his ship has righted, with four wins in a row, after falling to 3-4 in Week Seven. Despite underachievers dotting the roster -- Larry Johnson, Laurence Maroney, Steve Smith -- there been enough here to bring Tae to the top. Mainly, it's the inspired play of Brett Favre, who could be a leading MVP candidate. The Bruins, who have undergone many name changes this season, is happy that Larry Johnson sucked so bad that getting injured was probably a good thing.

The Dog Whisperer (6-5)
Jon had his biggest offensive output Week One (2463) and since then, has steadily remained around the 1900 point mark. That's good enough for a playoff spot -- so far. The Dogs wish they could take back Braylon Edwards -- exchanged for Andre Johnson, who's played one game -- like the Indians wish they had let the Pilgrims starve. Will, I'll trade you Gore for him. Gore's 2,000 yard declaration was bunk!

Team Rich (5-6)
Rich is happy to be the second highest scoring team in the league. Unfortunately, that means nothing as they've lost more games than they've won and will need a boost to make the playoffs. With some savvy waiver wire work and trades, Rich has turned his team into something impressive on paper. Then again, they're 2-3 in their last five weeks. Rich is mainly happy that Tom Brady and the Patriots are out to annihilate the competition, stopping just short of scalping opponents.

Redskins (5-6)
Thomas is thankful that Peyton Manning sucks and put up only 95 points in WK11 to prevent a Vultures' loss. Chris is thankful that his team is peaking and put up 2513 points in a narrow defeat. Actually, wait. Chris could have won by playing his main man, Chris Cooley too. Damn team loyalty. Always play your Redskins! Always! Fantasy football rule #1. Chris is thankful that Thomas Jones hasn't found the end zone yet.

Ask About Me (4-7)
Will is delighted to have a four game win streak after opening the season with five straight losses. He's also very happy to have traded away Drew Brees -- well, not really, since he's hot again while Donovan McNabb is floundering. At least they stole Braylon Edwards away from the Dogs! Will will need a huge next couple of weaks to slip into the playoffs. Huge.

Call Me Mr G (4-7)
Jermaine would like the thank Terrell Owens. And thank him again. And again. He would also like to thank Adrian Peterson. And then curse the day he got injured.

Renegadez (4-7)
Rene's team has tanked after starting the season off decently strong. They were in the mix at 4-3 until a series of poor lineup decisions helped them to four straight losses. It might be too late to recover now however. At least Rene has Jack and Coke to wallow in his sorrow.

StickIT2Em (2-9)
Every team in the league would like to thank Ben for never playing his guys and losing nine games in a row (after opening 2-0). They've put up three sub-1000 games, including a 447 point gem in Week Six. Matt Leinart would like to thank Ben for giving him a chance to start despite having been injured since, well, since forever.

Ben says "My goal is go out strong, to spoil someone's day before the season is over." In related news, Ben plays Thomas this week. This would be the greatest upset of all time. Of All Time.

Week 10

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears, it's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear. This might have been our most competitive week ever. Only one game was a true blow out (1442 vs 870) but the other four games went to the wire. Heck, one game was decided by just one yard! As Thomas streaks to a possible undefeated season, Hong, Tae, Jon, and Chris are fighting neck and neck for second place. How many teams make the playoffs Will? Are there byes? Anyway, on to the show!


Redskins (1872) vs The Dog Whisperers (1870)
Disgusted with the events of November 2nd, Chris came out guns blazing and mowed down his former boss. Well, mowed down isn't quite accurate. Beat by a yard is more like it. Somehow, Chris had the foresight to start Packers' RB Ryan Grant, who exploded for 363 points. Along with Vince Young's 317 points -- outpacing Peyton Manning's 249, the Skins eked out a dramatic win to put themselves into playoff position. The Cesar Milan's had Matt Hasselbeck and Reggie Wayne hook up for a combined 744 points but like the Titans in the 2000, they came up one yard short.

El Nino's (2328) vs Ask About Me (2230)
Despite an empty QB and WR slot, Hong's team put a quick end to Will's four game winning streak. By riding Brian Westbrook's 571 points and relying on Seahawks defense to make a big stand on Monday Night (a shutout of Will's beloved 49ers for 350 pts), Hong moves himself into second place yet again. Will's running back by committee -- Jesse Chatman and Selvin Young -- performed admirably with 656 points combined and when QB Donovan McNabb exploding for 464 points, a victory was just about in the bag. But alas, Hong shows Will who's boss by edging him out for a narrow victory.

Bad News Bruins (2039) vs Team Rich (1652)
The Bruins have won three in a row and maybe they've recovered some of that belly fire that they started the season with. Brett Favre is vying for league MVP and he shows again why he's ageless and a certain HoF with 477 points. Even Kurt Warner, fabled veteran and former grocery clerk, contributed 310 points. In order for Tae's team to keep winning, he's going to have to weather the loss of Larry Johnson -- who was being benched anyway -- and hope that Laurence Maroney can step it up. Rich has some running back problems of his own as Travis Henry took a seat and his replacement, Selvin Young, had a fine game. Rich's team had a mediocre week with Tom Brady on the bench and couldn't put up many points.

Call Me Mr G (1442) vs StickIT2Em (870)
I refuse to discuss Ben's team until he changes his lineup. R-E-F-U-S-E. Jermaine didn't really need Terrell Owens big 400 point game but it was nice to have. With Adrian Peterson now hobbled, it's the perfect time for first round pick and huge disappointment Steven Jackson to pick up the slack, something he did with 337 points this week. Ben, change your lineup! Pretty please?

Vultures (2310) vs Renegadez (2196)
You know the old Marvel Comics, "What If...?" Like "What if Wolverine wasn't Canadian?" Or "What if Bruce Banner wasn't such a wussy?" Our "What If" question goes like this: What if Rene had played Maurice Jones-Drew (instead of Jamal Lewis versus a tough Steelers' defense)? The answer to that would have been a loss for Thomas' Vultures. Instead, Jason Campbell's fine 330 point performance -- and Warrick Dunn's 355 -- were all for naught as the Vultures roll to yet another victory.

With the majority of their byes out of the way, the Vultures are locked and loaded for a historic reason. Damn Big Ben and Tony Romo, who combined for 930 points Sunday. How many more weeks can Thomas dodge the bullet? Just four more wins gets them an unprecendented undefeated (regular) season. Someone stop him! Let freedom ring!

Next week: Vultures vs Redskins. Let's go for a bigger margin of victory than 2 points Chris! Blow Thomas out! Or at least just beat him...

Week 9

I'm not sure how many teams get in the playoffs but when the second place team is at a mediocre 5-4, with six teams at 5-4 or 4-5, the last few weeks of the season could be crucial. Thomas has already secured a playoff spot by holding off yet another #2 ranked challenger. That's disgusting. But you know, in a good way.

Vultures (2445) vs The Dog Whisperer (1892)
Despite a lofty challenge set forth by taking on an undefeated team, The Dog Whisperers rose to the challenge behind WR Andre Johnson and RB Frank Gore. Both fantastic players scored over 500 points apiece as the Dogs bullied the Vultures to their first defeat. Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger tried to make it a game with 400+ points each but they were no match for the offensive force that is the Whisperers. Or maybe none of this happened and Thomas remained undefeated and the proud owner of a free meal at the fast food joint of his choice. You figure out what's fact or fiction.

Ask About Me (2152) vs Renegadez (1212)
After failing to play half their lineup again, the Renegadez conceded an easy victory to Will -- who is streaking and won his fourth in a row. Going against his number one draft pick, QB Drew Brees, Will must have been worried about his chances. However, the Titans defense (330), Earnest Graham (344), and Jon Kitna (332) pulled through and helped put enough points on the board to almost double up on Rene. Nay-Nay, put your players in!

Call Me Mr G (2444) vs Redskins (1933)
Chris got crushed by a freight train this week. Adrian Peterson’s 770 points might be an individual season high and his record setting day pushed Jermaine to a big win. Taking advantage of Peterson’s running and Terrell Owen’s pass catching (458), Jermaine is riding the two man game to sporatic victories. The Skins need to desperately right the ship after two losses in a row but Peyton Manning is clearly not a top three fantasy QB at this point. Can he pick it up a few notches to give Chris some superstar support?

Team Rich (2174) vs El Nino’s (1762)
Despite only showing up to work twice a week, Rich makes good use of his time to trash talk the opposition. This week, he found an unfamiliar hero, WR Lee Evans, who scored 435 points in a season high for him. With the continued foundation of super QBs Tom Brady and Carson Palmer (676 pts combined), Team Rich needs some help from his running game to continue his success. Rudi Johnson, Shaun Alexander, and Travis Henry combined for a touch over 200 points. Hong’s team on the other hand experienced a breakout game of his own as WR Marques Colston finally showed his rookie form and scored 368 points in a losing effort. Subbing out Eli Manning would have been nice. Would have been……

Bad News Bruins (2165) vs StickIT2Em (1084)
Maybe Rene and Ben should co-manage a team. Together, they’ve managed to put half squads in play each of the past couple of weeks. Ben has lost seven games in a row and Matt Leinart is still starting for him. As is Sammy Morris, who is out for the season. Ben, please do something! Anything! Even if it means trading me Joseph Addai. Hint hint. Tae’s high scorer was WR Bobby Engram. Who? Yeah, exactly. But hey, it was more than enough to double up on Ben’s score this week.

Week 8

Vultures (1660) vs Call Me Mr G (1304)
Do we detect a chink in the armor? Did Thomas' team score only 1660 points this week? Uh oh. When the Patriots D is your top scorer (with 400 pts), isn't it time to panic? I believe it is. The Vultures have decided to fire their current coach and hire Joe Torre. "We're really big Dodger fans so in solidarity, we want to get their new skipper on our side too. We've also decided to throw Brad Penny behind center this weekend to see what happens. Might be fun!" Jermaine confirmed this week that he is alive and well even thoug hhis team suffered from sub-par performances all around. This was the week to pull a huge upset but Call Me Mr G couldn't quite pull it off. Maybe a defense and tight end would have made the difference? But it's hard to fault not having a backup TE or Def during a bye week.

Ask About Me (2072) vs Team Rich (1978)
Wow, when Will starts to win, he really doesn't stop. With three wins and a head full of steam, Will parlayed Donovan McNabb and Braylon Edwards' big days into a tight victory over close friend and pajama party buddy Rich. It's starting to look like Braylon will be a top five receiver this year so Will got a hell of a deal in his trade with Jon. As for Rich? He would have won if RBs Rudi Johnson and Travis Henry hadn't submitted big fat zeros. With Lee Evans turning it on this week (361 pts) and Tom Brady remaining out of this world (541 pts), Rich is still a heavyweight contender despite a close loss. Okay, maybe not heavyweight, but welterweight?

Dog Killers (1893) vs Renegadez (1049)
Well, Rene played six players on bye so really, that's all she wrote. The great news is that Drew Brees accounted for half of his 1049 points, the bad news is, well, six players were on bye.

El Nino's (1720) vs StickIT2Em (1131)
I feel like Ben's not paying attention, anyone else concur? Another week, another three guys on bye. Joe Horn is a starting WR in 1% of Yahoo leagues, that 1% being our league. I mean, Ben has some talent on his roster but they can't get on the field? I think Ben's trying to make a statement to his players. Hong on the other hand is riding the hot wave of Wes Welker and a newly rejuvenated Marques Colston, despite the fact that his QBs combined for 104 points this week. Yeah, 104.

Bad News Bruins (2287) vs Redskins (1120)
Easily one of Tae's finest performances of the season. The Bruins stopped the freight train that was Chris and halted him behind 403 points from Brett Favre and 465 points from the Chargers D. The Bruins look to be in decent shape in the backfield, even though Larry Johnson still kinda sucks. With Brandon Jacobs, Laurence Maroney, and LenDale White starting for their team, the points are rolling in for Tae. For Chris, it was just a case of a bad week as nobody performed well except for old stalwart Peyton Manning (323 pts).

Next week: Vultures vs Dirty Birds. Yet another #1 vs #2 matchup. It feels like each week Thomas sits atop the hill as the champion while new contenders emerge. He's like the Hulk Hogan of Omnis Fantasy. Luckily, Jon is the Ultimate Warrior circa Wrestlemania 6. Bonus question: What was Ultimate Warrior's first wrestling name? Bonus question 2: Who was his partner back then?

Week 7

It's go time. With four teams at 4-3 and two more at 3-4, the cream will start rising to the top as the crap flushes itself down the toilet. Halfway through the season, it might be the time to let some of your treasured stars go and make a few moves. Yes Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson, Steven Jackson, Frank Gore, I'm talking to you!

Renegadez (2196) vs Team Rich (1468)
It’s hard to say which team is better. The 4-3 Renegadez or the 3-4 Team Riches. Team Rich should be better on paper, with Tom Brady and Carson Palmer, but they are suffering from a horrible receiving corps. Santana Moss, Roy Williams, and Devin Hester have had their moments but none of them are performing recently. The running game isn’t in good shape either as Shaun Alexander looks like he’s losing it and Rudi Johnson straight hasn’t played much – while Travis Henry could be headed to jail. Can Brady (646 points this week!) and Palmer lead the charge?

Rene’s team has been kind of lost in the shuffle all season. However, receivers Laveranues Coles (426 pts), Dwayne Bowe, and Roddy White (320 pts) have been very efficient. New Chargers WR Chris Chambers might soon become fantasy relevant so this should be the strength of the team. If Edgerrin James and Maurice Jones-Drew continue their pounding work, and more importantly, Drew Brees picks it up, this team is pretty solid.

Ask About Me (2066) vs StickIt2Em (1180)
While Ben continues to shine on the work floor, his fantasy team is in collapse. Matt Leinart, Deion Branch, Sammy Morris, Anthony Gonzalez, and Nate Kaeding all put up zero points (for various reasons). That’s no way to create a sustainable offense when half your team is missing. “Is you snorin' in my class? Wake up Mr. West!”

Will continues to pick up steam as this win pulls him out of the cellar, for the first time all year. How ‘bout that Earnest Graham? 447 points behind a huge yardage day and Will’s looking like a genius. Graham will have to keep this up because Will’s best player, RB Ronnie Brown, just got injured for the season. Ouch.

Dog Killers (2000) vs Call Me Mr. G (1779)
It might have been a different story for the third place Dog Killers if Jermaine had put in a serviceable quarterback while Philip Rivers was on bye. Instead, Jon pulls out another MNF victory behind Reggie Wayne’s 307 points. RB Adrian Peterson continues to shine (235 pts) for Jermaine but he’s going to need some support from Marvin Harrison and Steven Jackson (he's back this week, according to his blog), two big picks that have yet to establish their superiority this season. Are both lost causes at this point?

The Birds will have a tough time finding a captain to pilot their ship as Matt Hasselbeck is on bye and Trent Edwards, Joey Harrington and Marc Bulger are hardly scary for any defenses.

Redskins (2288) vs El Nino’s (2113)
With bye weeks wrecking havoc with lineups, this game was the best of the week. Would a tight end have helped out Hong? Undoubtedly. Losing by 175 points is something Antonio Gates certainly could have racked up. Sadly, he was on bye. What’s the excuse for not forseeing Gus Frerotte’s big day on the bench?

Chris has piloted his team from the bottom of the standings to near the top behind Peyton Manning (311), Brian Griese (344), and Willis McGahee (300). For him to continue winning, he’s going to need to find a running mate behind McGahee. There’s some big question marks about DeShawn Wynn, Julius Jones, and Derrick Ward. Hopefully, Thomas Jones can step up his game in the coming weeks. Both of these teams are at 4-3 and headed in the right direction.

Vultures (2040) vs Bad News Bruins (1651)
I don’t even want to write about Thomas anymore. Even with no LDT, he romps in another easy win. I’ll just refer to Bill Simmons’ article about “When should you start seriously thinking about your football team going undefeated?” If you’re playing Thomas, get fired up and win okay! Or I'll just handle it myself in Week 9...

Next Week: Will versus Rich, brother versus brother, evil versus evil.

Week 6

A glut of teams at 3-3 means that mediocrity reigns supreme. Thomas may be on his way to an undefeated season after taking out closest competitor but at least Will got into the win column. Since it’s such a special day for big Will, we’ll take a closer look at his victory.

Ask About Me (1970) vs Redskins (1522)
Will’s opponent, Chris’ Redskins team was coming off of two big wins and certainly had the firepower to prevent Will from notching a victory. During OSPN’s pre-game interview with Will, he was asked what his team would try to do differently this week. His answer? “We’re going to try to win!” Asked further about what this meant, Will revealed his magnanimous side to the world.

“What we’ve been doing for five weeks is to let everyone have some fun in the league. As the commissioner, it was my responsibility to provide a safe fantasy environment for all. I gave away wins. Do you really think a team assembled by myself, Will the fantasy guru, could possibly lose five games in a row to start the season? No way. You know how when you race a little kid, you give them a big head start? That’s what I was doing. Giving everyone a big head start. Hell, I even gave Chris an advantage this week as I’m not replacing my TE or K even though they’re on bye. That’s the confidence of a (eventual) champion!”

Chris might have been bribed into playing a few duds himself this week as WR Darrell Jackson sat in the lineup during a bye and the injured Anquan Boldin remained active also. Looking at the score, you can tell neither team was playing their best. The Redskins had QB Vince Young exit early, injured and hobbling. The passing attack suffered greatly without young Vince in the game and while veteran Brian Griese passed for 390 points, there wasn’t much he could do with only one healthy WR (Antwaan Randle El, 74 pts). Chris’ team picked up some steam behind Willis McGahee and Thomas Jones (507 pts, combined) but enough about losers.

“How bout those Ask About Me!’s !!!!” Not quite the same ring as “How bout them Cowboys!!!” eh? The trades GM Will engaged in two weeks ago led directly to this first win. WRs Braylon Edwards (339 pts) and Kevin Curtis (327 pts) were outstanding. QB Donovan McNabb was slightly above average (278 pts) but lent a steady hand. The passing game spread the field and opened up space for RB Ronnie Brown to rumble and roll his way to 385 points.

The result? A huge win for Will!

Call Me Mr. G (2423) vs Renegadez (1535)
I’m starting to think that Jermaine’s not home. No second QB for the week, an injured Steven Jackson still in the lineup, and kicker Adam Vinatieri on a bye – which is excusable actually. Then again, Call Me Mr. G scored the most points this week so really, why complain? Rookie sensation Adrian Peterson had 779 points. Seven hundred and seventy seven. Good lord! Add in the Ravens D going nuts for 500 and that’s all she said for Rene. The Renegadez consolation is that newly acquired RB Maurice Jones-Drew looks like a beast (584 pts) and Drew Brees is picking things up with 324 points. Anyone else think Will would be Jones-Drew if he was a running back in the NFL? Totally right?

Vultures (2298) vs El Nino’s (1897)
Who needs a second quarterback when you’re the best team in the lead? Refusing the buckle to traditional pressure and finding a replacement for Ben Roethlisberger, Thomas rode the last season’s MVP, LaDainian Tomlinson, and his 683 breakout points. LDT single-handedly outscored whole teams this week (well, okay, just Ben’s team). Then again, Hong’s second QB, Gus Frerotte had negative 17 points so maybe it would have been better to sit him. Despite the QB setback, Hong put up a fight and was looking pretty good with the majestic Wes Welker (515 pts) but Brian Westbrook didn’t get into the end zone enough, despite picking up 342 points.

Team Rich (2282) vs Stick It 2 Em (447)
ET phone home? Is Ben playing? 447 points? Seriously? There were a handful of players who scored that much by themselves! Embarassing. Then again, it’s not like Ben’s bench had much to offer. Donte Stallworth could have added 367 points but that still wouldn’t have pulled Ben close to 1000. Just injuries and a bad week I guess? Speaking of guys who single-handedly could have beat Ben, Rich’s Devin Hester scored 475 points by himself and he’s a kick returner! Rich didn’t even need Tom Brady’s five touchdowns and 573 points this week.

Dog Killers (2092) vs Bad News Bruins (1919)
Entering a week where byes forced many of his best players to take a seat, they somehow managed to pull out another Monday night win. This time, powered by the surprising DeAngelo Williams (323 pts) and the always spectacular TJ Houshmandzadeh (450 pts). The Bad News Bruins put up a fight behind Steve Smith’s 413 points but with horrific QB play (Brett Favre had 108, Kurt Warner had -24), they stumbled to a loss. The good news is that Larry Johnson finally did something, finally.

Next week: Could Will get another win? He is playing the hapless StickIT2Em’s so anything’s possible!

One versus Two

In a matchup between the 5-0 Vultures and the 4-1 El Nino’s, it’s only fair to take a closer look at our top two teams and highlight the marquee game of the year.

QB: Last week, Hong had the incredible foresight to snag Gus Frerotte right before he threw for 3 TDs and a mighty 331 points. This week, it’ll be Gus again, along with his buddy Eli Manning, who has been pretty good this year, throwing 9 TDs in five games and averaging over 250+ points a game. A huge part of Thomas’ early success has been the play of Tony Romo, who was drafted late but is producing huge, averaging 400+ points a game. If there was a league MVP right now, it might be Mr Romo, who has sidestepped and shuffled in the pocket on his way to a great Cowboys season. The other QB slot for the Vultures has been manned by the usually steady Ben Roethlisberger but this week he’s on bye. Who can Thomas find to replace him? Do we hear Jeff Garcia getting a call?
Edge: Vultures

RB: There should be no contest here. It’s LaDainian Tomlinson and Jerious Norwood versus Brian Westbrook and Chris Brown. Usually, the easy nod goes to the Vultures’ duo of LT and whoever. However, it’s hard to say that the 2007 version of LDT is better than a healthy Brian Westbrook. In fact, Westbrook has equaled LDT’s fantasy output despite playing one less game. Neither Norwood or Chris Brown are worth much of anything and they are generally just filling in for bye week players. Hong has the outstanding Willie Parker on a bye while Thomas has a stable of “all look same” running backs – Norwood, Leon Washington, Kevin Jones, Vernand Morency. None of these names really stand out.
Edge: Even

WR: While Thomas’ ground game hasn’t been overly stellar, there’s no arguing that he’s got an excellent passing attack. Wonder man Randy Moss leads the way and Chad Johnson remains as explosive as ever. While the injured Hines Ward has been a disappointment, recent pickup Patrick Crayton could be ready to step up in the crucial role of third receiver. While there isn’t much WR depth (Amani Toomer is hardly dependable), the starters are as good as it gets. For Hong’s team, the disappointing Marques Colston has certainly put a hole in the offense. Jerricho Cotchery and Wes Welker are nice secondary receivers but Colston was drafted to star alongside the dependable Larry Fitzgerald (who only has 1 TD though). El Nino’s bench receivers Michael Jenkins, Muhsin Muhammad, and Michael Clayton have been near useless.

In the tight end department, Hong has the best in the biz with Antonio Gates, who also stars as the best player Hong has. Mr Gates is averaging almost 100 yards a game and he’s on pace for 120 catches. For Thomas, TE Alge Crumpler has been a big disappointment as he’s no longer the main man in Atlanta.
Edge: Thomas for WR, Hong for TE

K & Def: The El Nino’s defense (Seattle) has been solid this season with 1120 total points, ranking them fifth, but Mr. Consistency, K Jason Elam, has been just average. He’s also on bye this week so somebody will have to replace his 80 points per week. The Patriots haven’t just been tearing it up on offense, their defense is the second best fantasy D in the league. Last year, Robbie Gould was fantasy gold, this year, he’s fallen to average stats as the Bears offense struggles. It’s hard to which combination is better.
Edge: Even

The El Nino’s have scored 2163-2198-2425-1848-1946 each week, and that means they’re slowly declining. The Vultures have dipped here and there too, but never below 2000 (with highs of 2809, 2517, 2514). What we’re looking at here then is an overmatched El Nino team that really needs Brian Westbrook back. If he can explode for his usual numbers, then the Vultures will have a fight on their hands, otherwise, it could be 6-0 Vultures and 4-2 El Nino’s. Game on!

Week 5

Bad News Bruins (1987) vs Call Me Mr. G (1278)
The Bruins are back! With one win, they catapult themselves to fourth place in the standings. Tight end Benjamin Watson had a double TD game and 386 points while the San Diego defense ripped it up for 365 points of their own.

Jermaine needs to sit his injured players (Marvin Harrison, Steven Jackson, Adrian Peterson on a bye) to have a chance of pulling himself out of second-to-last.

Redskins (1903) vs Team Rich (1273)
Not one close game this week and this was no exception as Chris gets three wins in a row and vaults to third place. Peyton Manning, Willis McGahee, and Jason Witten all scored over 300 points and the Skins win in a walk. The only good news from Team Rich’s side is that Tom Brady continues to thrill, scoring 383 points. He had three WRs combine for 126 points, ouch.

El Nino’s (1946) vs Dog Killers (1580)
Hong’s won three in a row and after picking on a hapless Dog Killer team (led by Larry Fitzgerald’s 377 pts), they look to continue their roll. Jon’s QBs combined for 85 points. They were outscored by Hong’s K and D. ‘Nuff said.

Vultures (2033) vs Ask About Me (1610)
Ronnie Brown tried to power his way to a win for Will but his 391 points were wasted on yet another loss. Thomas continues to get contributions from everyone (Ben Roethlisberger and Leon Washington put in good efforts) and rolls on to another easy victory.

Renegadez (1812) vs StickIt2Em (1571)
That’s three losses in a row for Big Ben as he continues to freefall in the standings. It’s not going to get better either as Matt Leinart takes a broken collarbone home. And it doesn’t help that Joseph Addai was a late pull from the week too. Rene waltzed into his second win by riding the newly acquired Maurice Jones-Drew (6328 points) and the tough Bears defense (295 pts). The passing game needs some help though! Drew Brees, Chris Chambers, Laveranues Coles, Dwayne Bowe, and Todd Heap aren’t doing it!

Power Rankings

More than a quarter of the regular season is already over, can you believe that? We have one undefeated team, one winless team, and a knot of 2-2 teams in the middle. Since we’re solidly in the swing of things, it’s time to look at which teams are trending up up and away and which teams need a major pick me up.

Vultures (4-0)
Since coming out of the gate fiery hot, Thomas’ team has hardly slowed down and after defeating the number two team last week (Team Rich) in a high scoring battle, 2517-2372, the Vultures have established themselves as the cream of the crop and far and away the best team in the league. They are averaging a cool 2500 points a week behind the spectacular Tony Romo (455 avg) and the rejuvenated Randy Moss (396 avg). Both are vying for MVP honors if they can keep this up. The shocker? LaDainian Tomlison was drafted to lead this crew but he’s only averaging a pedestrian 277 points. Who can slow the Vultures down? Nobody it seems like.

El Nino’s (3-1)
Despite drafting last, Hong’s team has won two straight games and fought their way to the top of the charts. While there are definite holes on this team – Rex Grossman is a starting QB, still – the combination of RB Brian Westbrook (434 avg in three games) and TE Antonio Gates (259 avg) has been enough to give the El Nino’s two blowout wins over Tae and Jermaine the last few weeks. There’s a lot of good skill position players on this roster – Larry Fitzgerald, Jerricho Cotchery, Willie Parker, Wes Welker – but the QB situation will definitely need to be rectified as Eli and Rex aren’t exactly solid.

Team Rich (2-2)
If Rich had been able to pull an upset against Thomas this week, we’d be talking about them as the hottest team in the league. Instead, they lost after putting up a tremendous fight. The past three weeks, Team Rich has averaged an astonishing 2561 points per week so it’s safe to say that they’re quite possibly as good as their owner claims. Most of the damage has been done by MVP candidate Tom Brady (406 avg), plus the solid contributions of WR Roy Williams and RB Travis Henry. With numerous trades over the past week, this team has dramatically changed its chemistry but more importantly, added another stud QB, Carson Palmer (347 avg) to pair with Brady. This could mean some big things ahead for Team Rich.

The Dog Killers (2-2)
The Dog Killers have certainly been involved in a lot of close games this season. Excepting a Week 1 blow out win, they’ve lost by 46, lost on a Monday night, and won on a Monday night. While the team certainly can put points on the board (2186 avg, 2463 high), they’re also a bit hamstrung by poor performances from RBs Frank Gore and Reggie Bush. The good news is that the receiving corps is unparalleled with Reggie Wayne, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Plaxico Burress, and the newly acquired Andre Johnson. If the best RB on the roster continues to be rookie Marshawn Lynch, this team’s aerial attack might be the only thing going for them.

Redskins!!! (2-2)
With two wins under their belt, Chris’ team is feeling pretty good about themselves. After stumbling out of the gate with a poor Week 1, Chris has steadfastly worked his team up to the point where they’re now blowing the opposition out of the water. Perhaps the first few losses were due to strong opponents (2488.5 points against average WK1 & 2) so maybe all that says is that Chris’ team isn’t quite ready to hang with the big boys. On the other hand, the Redskins have hardly started clicking and poster boy Peyton Manning is just scratching the surface of his potential with 350 points per week. Once he can get on the same page with Anquan Boldin, Darrell Jackson, Santonio Holmes, and Antwaan Randle El, the team could be ready to take flight.

Renegadez (2-2)
Talk about tough schedules. The Renegadez have been faced with three opponents this seaon who have all handily scored over 2000+ points against them. For a team that’s averaging 1960 per game, that should translate to a losing record. However, the Renegadez are still floating along at 0.500 and despite moving their best player away in this week’s trade, they could be poised for better things. RB Edgerrin James is back to his old self, well almost, and newly acquired RBs Jamal Lewis and Maurice Jones-Drew should help the run game. The biggest question now will be if Drew Brees can replace Carson Palmer’s production, or if Derek Anderson and Matt Schaub can continue to progress in their first full time jobs. The next few weeks will be huge for Rene’s team. Hey, at least he found his car (keys)!

StickIT2Em (2-2)
The mighty have fallen. After two impressive wins to start the season, Ben’s team has recorded two sub-par weeks and is now at an even 2-2. What happened? Perhaps the answer lies in men who field general the team. Matt Leinart is time-sharing with Kurt Warner and Chad Pennington is tossing touchdowns but not much else. Both are proving to be a bit of a disappointment – it may be time to use Jake Delhomme. While they have quality targets in Torry Holt and Deion Branch, neither veteran has really exploded so far this season. One veteran who is clearly over the hill is Joe Horn, who shouldn’t even be on a roster right now, since he’s averaging barely 50+ a game. The bright spot here is Joseph Addai, who is averaging a nice 322.25 points. If Clinton Portis can pick it up a bit, the StickIT2Em’s can turn their ship right around and rise to glory once again.

(Gutless) Little Bruins (2-2)
Okay, this prognosticator thought Tae had a wonderful team. Turns out, they’re sitting near the bottom of the rankings and getting worse by the week. After exploding for 2363 and 2649 points in Weeks 1 and 2, they’ve averaged a pitiful 1384 the last two. Did somebody die? Actually, sort of. Read on. While the QB spot was supposed to be this team’s Achilles’ Heel, it looks like between Brett Favre, Jay Cutler, Jeff Garcia, David Garrard, and Kurt Warner, the Bruins will find two starters. Instead, the problem is that number one pick Larry Johnson has been horrific (197 pts avg) -- or dead. The other “stud” running back Laurence Maroney has been a disappointment too (168 avg over three weeks). The only bright spots on this team is the play of Marion Barber (269 avg) and the rejuvenated Brett Favre (333.75 avg), who’s had nice targets in Donald Driver and Calvin Johnson. C’mon Bruins, where’s your guts?

Call Me Mr. G (1-3)
With the lowest scoring offense in the league (1887 avg), Jermaine’s team has been mercurial to say the least. With one huge win in Week 3 to get out of winless status (against Will, 2587-2378), the Mr. G’s have the firepower to do some damage but they’re inconsistent as hell. Their best player is rookie sensation Adrian Peterson (334.5 avg). There’s a good passing attack in place with Philip Rivers throwing to Terrell Owens, Marvin Harrison, and Bernard Berrian but the team killer has been the ultra non-production from number two overall pick Steven Jackson. With a 176 point per game average, Jackson has been a millstone around Jermaine’s neck. And it’s not looking like the Rams offense will recover anytime soon. Can young WRs Vincent Jackson and Greg Jennings make up for the lack of a run game? They’ll have to because there’s no real backup RB on this team, aside from Jackson’s backup real life, Brian Leonard. Could be time to trade for another running back!

Ask About Meee!!! (0-4)
While Will has yet to win a game, there’s a silver lining here because they’re actually the 6th leading offense in the league. Eventually, scoring all those points will translate to victories right? GM Will has certainly done his best to re-make his team, engaging in two trades that have netted Donovan McNabb, DeShaun Foster, Braylon Edwards, and Kevin Curtis. This quartet will have to pick up the slack because Will needs his first win! The good news here is that QB Jon Kitna has been performing well (343 avg), and he’s got a pair of strong running backs, Ronnie Brown (375 avg) and LaMont Jordan (321 avg), to take pressure off of him.

In short, if your first round pick is doing crappy, so are you – unless your name is Thomas. So while the season is fully underway, there’s still a lot of time for people to make improvements and hope for better days. Here’s to Week 5 and another fantastic round of games!

Swap Your QB

What a week for trades! With a third big trade this week, some owners are really looking to shake up their rosters.

This time, Team Rich hooks another gridiron partner by moving Drew Brees (but Matt Schaub this week) and a pair of running backs, Jamal Lewis and Maurice Jones-Drew – plus his waiver pickup – for Rene’s Carson Palmer and Cedric Benson. Early reports indicate that rolling the dice on Drew Brees becoming a fantasy star again has passed from Will to Rich to Rene in a matter of days. These friends are passing Brees around like their favorite bitch…who might get Brees next? Chris?

The sixth place Renegedez used their two pickups to grab QB Derek Anderson and WR Roddy White, who will help take some of the pressure off the rehabbing Brees -- who is recovering from a mild case of suckitis.

Once More...With Feeling

Somebody must have really been sold on the Eagles vs Lions game this past weekend -- or loved those uniforms. In another blockbuster deal, Will has agreed to move injured WR Andre Johnson to Jon in exchange for WRs Braylon Edwards and Kevin Curtis. What this means is that in the span of a few hours, Will has dramatically altered the dynamic of his team. With the underachieving Drew Brees finally out of there and Andre Johnson taking a seat for Week 4's matchup against trade partner Jon, the new faces better mesh quickly in order for Will to get that crucial first win.

Donovan Flies the Coop

Will trades QB Matt Schaub, RB Travis Henry, and RB Rudi Johnson to Rich for QB Donovan McNabb and RB DeShaun Foster.

On the heels of Donovan McNabb’s huge day, it looks like he made himself good trade bait. Will’s team needed a big shakeup and he got it by trading some running back depth for an underrated DeShaun Foster and the Eagles quarterback. Plus he hung onto Drew Brees, who was originally believed to be part of the deal, as reported by OSPN.

Instead, it’s Matt Schaub who will be chucking passes alongside Tom Brady for TEAM RICH. Despite Rudi Johnson’s hamstring tug (let’s not say pull), he’s been a top 10 fantasy RB for years and it looks like Travis Henry is headed that way this season also. The winner of the deal? It all depends on how well McNabb can keep up his current pace – and stay injury free, as always.

Update: Looks like the deal was falsely reported by a now fired OSPN affiliate. The real deal is that Brees and Maurice Jones-Drew are both on bye next week so Will and Rich decided to consummate the second half of this deal later. In the end, the trade will look like:

Will receives: QB Donovan McNabb, RB Maurice Jones-Drew
Rich receives: QB Drew Brees, RB Travis Henry, RB Rudi Johnson

Update: Nevermind, it looks like Will's taking DeShaun Foster. Make up your mind already!

Week 3

El Nino’s (2425) vs Gutty Little Bruins (1424)
Here’s the power of having one giant game. Hong had Brian Westbrook explode for 647 points and took the formerly powerful Gutty Little Bruins for a ride. Despite having weak performances across the board from every player not named Wes Welker or Antonio Gates, Hong’s strong Seahawks defense, combined with Westbrook’s outburst led to an easy victory. As for Tae, he missed out on Brett Favre’s resurgence but that’s not his biggest problem. Number one pick Larry Johnson (and number two Laurence Maroney) have been horrible so far. Should Marion Barber III be the best back here? Well, he is. It looks like Tae may need to re-tool a bit behind Brett Favre and Donald Driver, especially since up and comer Calvin Johnson was hurt this week.

Redskins!!! (2550) Vs RenEgadez (1683)
Despite playing with two quarterbacks this week, the results were quite the opposite for the Renegadez. Perhaps feeling a little sorry for his 0-2 buddy in processing, Rene turned in a weak performance (only Chris Chambers and virtual unknown Dwayne Bowe did anything worth writing home about) on their way to a loss. And once again, this team refused to suit up a full squad as they left the kicker slot open. But enough about losers. How about those Redskins! 552 points from Anquan Boldin must make Chris happy and with additional strong performances from their running backs (Willis McGahee and Thomas Jones), the Skins get their first victory in a walk. Could this only be the beginning?

Vultures (2160) vs StickIT2Em (1832)
Two 2-0 teams facing each other for the right to become the sole undefeated team in the league. Well, it looks like Thomas is the cream of the crop as the passing attack of Tony Romo, Chad Johnson, and Randy Moss continue to operate on high octane. While losing Hines Ward to a slight injury slowed them down a bit, there’s enough here to keep the wins coming. The big question is: What’s up with LDT? While Ben’s team didn’t put up too many points this week, they do get major style points for Joseph Addai’s leaping cartwheel into the end zone. With starting QB Matt Leinart pulled from duty after only a few series, will StickIT2Em be looking for new leadership in the form of Chad Pennington?

Call Me Mr. G (2587) vs Ask About Me! (2368)
With a double guarantee heading into this game, these two bottom dwellers both had friends and family on the sidelines cheering them on. “Just one win, just one win!” It looks like, in the end, it’ll be Jermaine walking away on the shoulders of his players as Drew Brees failed to capitalize on a national TV audience for his Monday Night showdown. Can’t Brees get 200 points? What’s going on here? Can he not throw 4 interceptions? This was definitely the game of the week as both winless teams left their all on the field. Check out some numbers from Will’s team. Ronnie Brown ignited for 677 points, Jon Kitna put up 394 points, while veteran Lamont Jordan showed his all-around game with 376 points. Heck, whoever Brandon Marshall is, he even got 301 points.

All this proved to be futile though as Jermaine had nearly his entire roster on fire. Philip Rivers may have led the Chargers to the basement but he put up 406 points. Trent Green, Terrell Owens, and Adrian Peterson all had 300+ performances and the embattled Steven Jackson contributed with 286 points – but pulled his groin in the process. In the end, only one team could go home happy and it looks like Will’s still looking for his first win of the season.

Team Rich (2650) vs The Dog Killers (2255)
Whew. Way to leave the building Rich! Tom Brady and Donovan McNabb combined for 998 points just by themselves and add in the downright ridiculous performance by Roy Williams (513 pts) and the Dog Killers were nothing but sore losers. While Jon had a nice aerial show of his own (Matt Hasselbeck, TJ Housmandzadeh, Plaxico Burress, and Braylon Edwards all had nice games), he couldn’t overcome Marc Bulger’s craptastic 8 points. While Rich’s running backs are still kind of suffering (Shaun Alexander and Maurice Jones-Drew), they may not need to contribute much if Donovan is going to take his game to Brady status. If only Philly and Detroit could play each other every week!

Next week: #1 vs #2, it’s the Vultures versus Team Rich to see if Rich really can be “The Best Team Ever!”

Guarantee!

I WILL GURAN-DAMN-TEE I will not lose this week! Smooth G...watch out! Jon...mark my words for your next headline! Oh yah…and it's “ASK ABOUT ME!!!”
Final Score Predictions:
ASK ABOUT ME: 2300
CALL ME MR.G: 1200
-Will-

Look for Philip Rivers to bounce back, and Terrell Owens to shine on Sunday night. Baltimore will stifle their opponent this week with their tough D. Even though Trent Green was a major disappointment, look for him to redeem himself with his strong arm and veteran savvy. I also expect Steven Jackson to live up to his name and regain his true form. Up and coming Bernard Berrian will do his usual damage and lead the Bears this week. Look out Will I Am, Da Smooth’s Team will shake off the cobwebs and show what they are made of. I guarantee victory and success this week.
-Mr. G-

Week 2

It looks like being a manager means nothing as Jon and Hong both fell out of the ranks of the undefeated, leaving only Thomas, Tae, and Ben as the sole owners of winning records. With a week that featured some explosive performances but also a whole bunch of duds, it’s obvious that the NFL season has a billion surprises up its sleeve. Who’s willing to bet on Derek Anderson and his incredible 5-TD performance continuing into the season?

Gutty Little Bruins (2649) vs Ask About Meeee!!! (2013)
Behind number one draft pick Drew Brees, Will’s team took a big lead and ran away with this week’s game by the end of the first quarter. Oh wait. That’s not what happened. Here’s how it really went down: Behind Drew Brees’ disappointing 1 TD and 1 interception performance, the commissioner fell to 0-2 on the season. The good news is that Joey Galloway had an amazing day with 410 points. Plus, his receiving mate Andre Johnson continued to impress with 395 points. Then again, Johnson did get injured during the game and nobody knows how long he might be out. Will may have to change his team name to “Why Me!?!” if he can’t pull out a victory soon.

The Gutty Bruins didn’t need much to win but Steve Smith proved that he’s the best receiver in football by recording 3 TDs and a shocking 526 points. While Marion Barber III looks like the clear winner of the Dallas RB battle, it’s not exactly encouraging that Larry Johnson notched a lowly 189 points while the other starting RB for the Bruins, Laurence Maroney continues to be the one underperforming Patriot player. Still, it’s hard to complain about a 2-0 record and second place in the league.

RenEgadez (2580) vs El Nino’s (2198)
It’s hard not to improve on a losing 1665 point showing last week but the RenEgadez apparently felt so confident in their abilities for a Week 2 win that they neglected to substitute out injured QB Steve McNair. While slightly unorthodox, it seemed like the intimidation factor worked as a suddenly healthy Eli Manning couldn’t throw the El Nino’s to victory – even with nice performances from RBs Willie Parker and Brian Westbrook (700 pts combined). With two non-scoring players (McNair and K Josh Scobee), the RenEgadez benefited from a career game by Carson Palmer (6 TDs, 627 pts) and a continued push from Edgerrin James (370 pts) back into elite status. We’d recommend subbing in a healthy QB next week though Rene, maybe.

Team Rich (2661) vs Call Me Mr. G (1974)
Steven Jackson is single handedly killing Call Me Mr G. You can’t have a first round pick produce sub-par games like Jackson’s been having -- two games of about 60 yards rushing and not much else, no TDs -- and expect to win. The good news is: Well, there’s not a whole lot of good news from this week for Jermaine. They got throttled across the board by Team RICH’s powerhouse combination of Tom Brady (391 pts) and Jamal Lewis (492 pts) – plus TE Kellen Winslow (290 pts). While Lee Evans and Maurice Jones-Drew are looking like early season busts, Rich had enough behind the fearless Brady to pick up their first win of the season. Rich will be entering a pivotal Week 3 battle as he attempts to leave his mark on Omnis by exiting with a win. Let’s wish him luck.

Vultures (2514) vs Redskins!!! (2207)
Our very own Heineken player of the week, Thomas, showed that he was no one week wonder by using a plethora of big performances to maintain pole position. If we thought little David (aka Chris) had a chance against our resident Goliath, those hopes were quickly dashed as Peyton Manning slightly underperformed with 300 pts, and Vince Young’s 320 points wasn’t quite enough against the best of the best.

Did anyone think that a team with LaDainian Tomlinson would highlight the pass? That’s exactly what the Vultures are doing with Chad Johnson (593 pts), Randy Moss (370 pts), and a still dependable Hines Ward leading the way. QBs Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger are proving to be steady hands – and explosive to boot after last week. If LT and the other running backs get it in gear, the Vultures could be in for a glorious regular season. Chris’ Redskins? Well, at least the real-life Redskins are 2-0. That’s gotta count for something right?

StickIT2Em (2157) vs The Dog Killers (2136)
Whew, what a game! Trailing by only a handful of points entering Monday night, StickIT2Em’s Clinton Portis rushed for 69 yards and a touchdown (217 pts) to power his team to a win against the Eages/Dog Killer’s defense (115 pts). Winning by 21 points isn’t sexy but it sure was a nail biter as Jake Delhomme aired it out for 425 points (to a streaking Deion Branch, 279 pts) to overcome the performances of Marc Bulger (339 pts) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (298 pts). There’s not many consoling words to say after a narrow defeat but chances are, somebody cheated and stole signs, I’ll guarantee it.

Next week: Call me Mr. G versus Ask About Me!, one of these 0-2 games will pick up a win. Who will it be?

A Rolling Moss

In an attempt to capture his first win, Chris trades away one of his treasured Redskins, Santana Moss, for Rich's Darrell Jackson. While Redskins! management was sad to lose Moss, an insider said "Moss was an overpriced prima donna anyway. We'd much rather have Jackson, who's much older and quieter." Rich also threw in his waiver wire pickup so that Chris could shore up his flagginging lineup.

Week 1

After a highly anticipated Week 1, it looks like 2000 is the magic number for a respectable outing. 2000 is the new 100, or so they say. While the scoring continues to confound everyone, the games have started so it’s time to stop complaining and to start playing. Here’s a quick look at Week One’s games.

El Nino’s (2163) vs Ask About Meeee!!! (2013)
With a projected score just seven points apart everyone knew that this match-up between Commissioner Will and CEO Hong would be close. Would youth beat experience? Was Will talking some trash talk beforehand even though he knew never to underestimate his boss? Uh-oh. With a pretty underwhelming performance from first round pick QB Drew Brees (78 pts), Will was already way behind. The aerial onslaught by Jon Kitna and Andrew Johnson (729 pts combined) wasn’t quite enough to offset Hong’s Eli Manning to Antonio Gates connection (779 pts). In the end, Will’s running backs coughed up the ball down the stretch – is LaMont Jordan pushing to come off the bench? -- and the Seahawks D (340 pts) toughened up and prevented Will from getting the last – or first – laugh.

Stick It 2 Em (1972) vs Call Me Mr. G (1730)
What happens when your two starting quarterbacks total 95 points? Simple, you lose. Then again, Jermaine did keep the game close through the heroics of WRs Marvin Harrison (246 pts) and Terrell Owens (309). In fact, while the search for a starting QB will continue – Byron Leftwich isn’t even on a team right now – Mr. G may have dialed up the rookie of the year, Adrian Peterson, who racked up a cool 413 points. Of course, Big Ben already has quite the running pair in Joseph Addai and Clinton Portis (617 pts combined). Like a real life version of the Panthers, Stick It 2 Em has Jake Delhomme at quarterback, a top tier receiver in Torry Holt, and a ferocious defense (Steelers, 445 pts) to set the tone for smash mouth football. Jermaine might have also found the break out WR of the year though in Ronald Curry, who tallied 10 receptions for 133 yards and a touchdown after leading all NFL receivers in catches the last four weeks of the season in 2006.

Vultures (2809) vs Renegadez (1665)
In all the time Will and his cohorts have been using this weird hyper-inflated scoring system, it’s possible they’ve never seen a score as high as the Vultures’ 2809 – in Week 1 no less. With Tony Romo (579 pts), Randy Moss (471), Ben Roethlisberger (343), and number one overall pick LT (314) leading the way, Thomas had the week of a lifetime. That listing doesn’t account for the many support roles played by big timers like Chad Johnson, Tatum Bell, and Hines Ward. Whew. Do you know how many TDs the two quarterbacks for the Vultures accounted for? Nine!!!

The Renegadez could of done spectacularly but still lost by a wide margin. The good news for them is that Edgerrin James is looking solid (294 pts), but that’s buttressed by the loss of starting QB Steve McNair. Next week, look for Rene’s Bears D to really roar and start to kick some ass.

Gutty Little Bruins (2357) vs Team Rich (1624)
After declaring himself as the best team ever, Rich may have to re-evaluate a little bit after coming within 25 points of being the worst team in the league in WK 1. I mean, maybe his theory is: “What goes down must come up?” Or was that the other way around? Either way, Rich probably couldn’t have held off pre-season favorite Gutty Little Bruins as Tae’s team had solid performances across the board from young QBs Jay Cutler (328), David Garrad (276) and their favorite targets, Steve Smith (335) and Javon Walker (283). Turns out, the big hole for these Bruins may not be at quarterback but running back, since Larry Johnson and Laurence Maroney combined for a mere 353 points.

The Best Team Ever may have America’s QB in Tom Brady (443 pts) but Rich better find someone to throw the ball to since his three WRs combined for an awful 232 points. It’s not like Roy Williams, Lee Evans, and Darrell Jackson aren’t their respective team’s number one receivers either. If nothing else, Team Rich must feel good about a solid 304 point performance from former MVP Shaun Alexander. Rich will be hoping to go from ashy to classy soon, but he may need a lot of help to do it.

The Dog Killers (2463) vs Redskins!!! (1609)
In a matchup of processor versus processor, Jon pretty much blew Chris out of the water. Sure, Peyton’s 414 points on Thursday night was a nice opening to the season for the Redskins – compared to a poor showing by the Killers’ Reggie Bush -- but after those fireworks, the best the rest of the Redskins could do was inch out 237 points from Willis McGahee. Plaxico Burress almost doubled that by himself on Sunday night, as he collected an astounding 508 points. With fellow receiver Reggie Wayne accounting for 340 points, the Dog Killers didn’t have to use much else in their overpowering win. In contrast, Chris’ three receivers and tight ends – A Boldin, S Moss, T Williamson, C Cooley – accounted for only 302 points combined. Chris may shred and file with the best of them but can his team catch?

Next week: Vultures vs Redskins!!! First versus worst, can Chris take the reigning champ – admittedly it’s been a short reign – down?!?