Swap Your QB

What a week for trades! With a third big trade this week, some owners are really looking to shake up their rosters.

This time, Team Rich hooks another gridiron partner by moving Drew Brees (but Matt Schaub this week) and a pair of running backs, Jamal Lewis and Maurice Jones-Drew – plus his waiver pickup – for Rene’s Carson Palmer and Cedric Benson. Early reports indicate that rolling the dice on Drew Brees becoming a fantasy star again has passed from Will to Rich to Rene in a matter of days. These friends are passing Brees around like their favorite bitch…who might get Brees next? Chris?

The sixth place Renegedez used their two pickups to grab QB Derek Anderson and WR Roddy White, who will help take some of the pressure off the rehabbing Brees -- who is recovering from a mild case of suckitis.

Once More...With Feeling

Somebody must have really been sold on the Eagles vs Lions game this past weekend -- or loved those uniforms. In another blockbuster deal, Will has agreed to move injured WR Andre Johnson to Jon in exchange for WRs Braylon Edwards and Kevin Curtis. What this means is that in the span of a few hours, Will has dramatically altered the dynamic of his team. With the underachieving Drew Brees finally out of there and Andre Johnson taking a seat for Week 4's matchup against trade partner Jon, the new faces better mesh quickly in order for Will to get that crucial first win.

Donovan Flies the Coop

Will trades QB Matt Schaub, RB Travis Henry, and RB Rudi Johnson to Rich for QB Donovan McNabb and RB DeShaun Foster.

On the heels of Donovan McNabb’s huge day, it looks like he made himself good trade bait. Will’s team needed a big shakeup and he got it by trading some running back depth for an underrated DeShaun Foster and the Eagles quarterback. Plus he hung onto Drew Brees, who was originally believed to be part of the deal, as reported by OSPN.

Instead, it’s Matt Schaub who will be chucking passes alongside Tom Brady for TEAM RICH. Despite Rudi Johnson’s hamstring tug (let’s not say pull), he’s been a top 10 fantasy RB for years and it looks like Travis Henry is headed that way this season also. The winner of the deal? It all depends on how well McNabb can keep up his current pace – and stay injury free, as always.

Update: Looks like the deal was falsely reported by a now fired OSPN affiliate. The real deal is that Brees and Maurice Jones-Drew are both on bye next week so Will and Rich decided to consummate the second half of this deal later. In the end, the trade will look like:

Will receives: QB Donovan McNabb, RB Maurice Jones-Drew
Rich receives: QB Drew Brees, RB Travis Henry, RB Rudi Johnson

Update: Nevermind, it looks like Will's taking DeShaun Foster. Make up your mind already!

Week 3

El Nino’s (2425) vs Gutty Little Bruins (1424)
Here’s the power of having one giant game. Hong had Brian Westbrook explode for 647 points and took the formerly powerful Gutty Little Bruins for a ride. Despite having weak performances across the board from every player not named Wes Welker or Antonio Gates, Hong’s strong Seahawks defense, combined with Westbrook’s outburst led to an easy victory. As for Tae, he missed out on Brett Favre’s resurgence but that’s not his biggest problem. Number one pick Larry Johnson (and number two Laurence Maroney) have been horrible so far. Should Marion Barber III be the best back here? Well, he is. It looks like Tae may need to re-tool a bit behind Brett Favre and Donald Driver, especially since up and comer Calvin Johnson was hurt this week.

Redskins!!! (2550) Vs RenEgadez (1683)
Despite playing with two quarterbacks this week, the results were quite the opposite for the Renegadez. Perhaps feeling a little sorry for his 0-2 buddy in processing, Rene turned in a weak performance (only Chris Chambers and virtual unknown Dwayne Bowe did anything worth writing home about) on their way to a loss. And once again, this team refused to suit up a full squad as they left the kicker slot open. But enough about losers. How about those Redskins! 552 points from Anquan Boldin must make Chris happy and with additional strong performances from their running backs (Willis McGahee and Thomas Jones), the Skins get their first victory in a walk. Could this only be the beginning?

Vultures (2160) vs StickIT2Em (1832)
Two 2-0 teams facing each other for the right to become the sole undefeated team in the league. Well, it looks like Thomas is the cream of the crop as the passing attack of Tony Romo, Chad Johnson, and Randy Moss continue to operate on high octane. While losing Hines Ward to a slight injury slowed them down a bit, there’s enough here to keep the wins coming. The big question is: What’s up with LDT? While Ben’s team didn’t put up too many points this week, they do get major style points for Joseph Addai’s leaping cartwheel into the end zone. With starting QB Matt Leinart pulled from duty after only a few series, will StickIT2Em be looking for new leadership in the form of Chad Pennington?

Call Me Mr. G (2587) vs Ask About Me! (2368)
With a double guarantee heading into this game, these two bottom dwellers both had friends and family on the sidelines cheering them on. “Just one win, just one win!” It looks like, in the end, it’ll be Jermaine walking away on the shoulders of his players as Drew Brees failed to capitalize on a national TV audience for his Monday Night showdown. Can’t Brees get 200 points? What’s going on here? Can he not throw 4 interceptions? This was definitely the game of the week as both winless teams left their all on the field. Check out some numbers from Will’s team. Ronnie Brown ignited for 677 points, Jon Kitna put up 394 points, while veteran Lamont Jordan showed his all-around game with 376 points. Heck, whoever Brandon Marshall is, he even got 301 points.

All this proved to be futile though as Jermaine had nearly his entire roster on fire. Philip Rivers may have led the Chargers to the basement but he put up 406 points. Trent Green, Terrell Owens, and Adrian Peterson all had 300+ performances and the embattled Steven Jackson contributed with 286 points – but pulled his groin in the process. In the end, only one team could go home happy and it looks like Will’s still looking for his first win of the season.

Team Rich (2650) vs The Dog Killers (2255)
Whew. Way to leave the building Rich! Tom Brady and Donovan McNabb combined for 998 points just by themselves and add in the downright ridiculous performance by Roy Williams (513 pts) and the Dog Killers were nothing but sore losers. While Jon had a nice aerial show of his own (Matt Hasselbeck, TJ Housmandzadeh, Plaxico Burress, and Braylon Edwards all had nice games), he couldn’t overcome Marc Bulger’s craptastic 8 points. While Rich’s running backs are still kind of suffering (Shaun Alexander and Maurice Jones-Drew), they may not need to contribute much if Donovan is going to take his game to Brady status. If only Philly and Detroit could play each other every week!

Next week: #1 vs #2, it’s the Vultures versus Team Rich to see if Rich really can be “The Best Team Ever!”

Guarantee!

I WILL GURAN-DAMN-TEE I will not lose this week! Smooth G...watch out! Jon...mark my words for your next headline! Oh yah…and it's “ASK ABOUT ME!!!”
Final Score Predictions:
ASK ABOUT ME: 2300
CALL ME MR.G: 1200
-Will-

Look for Philip Rivers to bounce back, and Terrell Owens to shine on Sunday night. Baltimore will stifle their opponent this week with their tough D. Even though Trent Green was a major disappointment, look for him to redeem himself with his strong arm and veteran savvy. I also expect Steven Jackson to live up to his name and regain his true form. Up and coming Bernard Berrian will do his usual damage and lead the Bears this week. Look out Will I Am, Da Smooth’s Team will shake off the cobwebs and show what they are made of. I guarantee victory and success this week.
-Mr. G-

Week 2

It looks like being a manager means nothing as Jon and Hong both fell out of the ranks of the undefeated, leaving only Thomas, Tae, and Ben as the sole owners of winning records. With a week that featured some explosive performances but also a whole bunch of duds, it’s obvious that the NFL season has a billion surprises up its sleeve. Who’s willing to bet on Derek Anderson and his incredible 5-TD performance continuing into the season?

Gutty Little Bruins (2649) vs Ask About Meeee!!! (2013)
Behind number one draft pick Drew Brees, Will’s team took a big lead and ran away with this week’s game by the end of the first quarter. Oh wait. That’s not what happened. Here’s how it really went down: Behind Drew Brees’ disappointing 1 TD and 1 interception performance, the commissioner fell to 0-2 on the season. The good news is that Joey Galloway had an amazing day with 410 points. Plus, his receiving mate Andre Johnson continued to impress with 395 points. Then again, Johnson did get injured during the game and nobody knows how long he might be out. Will may have to change his team name to “Why Me!?!” if he can’t pull out a victory soon.

The Gutty Bruins didn’t need much to win but Steve Smith proved that he’s the best receiver in football by recording 3 TDs and a shocking 526 points. While Marion Barber III looks like the clear winner of the Dallas RB battle, it’s not exactly encouraging that Larry Johnson notched a lowly 189 points while the other starting RB for the Bruins, Laurence Maroney continues to be the one underperforming Patriot player. Still, it’s hard to complain about a 2-0 record and second place in the league.

RenEgadez (2580) vs El Nino’s (2198)
It’s hard not to improve on a losing 1665 point showing last week but the RenEgadez apparently felt so confident in their abilities for a Week 2 win that they neglected to substitute out injured QB Steve McNair. While slightly unorthodox, it seemed like the intimidation factor worked as a suddenly healthy Eli Manning couldn’t throw the El Nino’s to victory – even with nice performances from RBs Willie Parker and Brian Westbrook (700 pts combined). With two non-scoring players (McNair and K Josh Scobee), the RenEgadez benefited from a career game by Carson Palmer (6 TDs, 627 pts) and a continued push from Edgerrin James (370 pts) back into elite status. We’d recommend subbing in a healthy QB next week though Rene, maybe.

Team Rich (2661) vs Call Me Mr. G (1974)
Steven Jackson is single handedly killing Call Me Mr G. You can’t have a first round pick produce sub-par games like Jackson’s been having -- two games of about 60 yards rushing and not much else, no TDs -- and expect to win. The good news is: Well, there’s not a whole lot of good news from this week for Jermaine. They got throttled across the board by Team RICH’s powerhouse combination of Tom Brady (391 pts) and Jamal Lewis (492 pts) – plus TE Kellen Winslow (290 pts). While Lee Evans and Maurice Jones-Drew are looking like early season busts, Rich had enough behind the fearless Brady to pick up their first win of the season. Rich will be entering a pivotal Week 3 battle as he attempts to leave his mark on Omnis by exiting with a win. Let’s wish him luck.

Vultures (2514) vs Redskins!!! (2207)
Our very own Heineken player of the week, Thomas, showed that he was no one week wonder by using a plethora of big performances to maintain pole position. If we thought little David (aka Chris) had a chance against our resident Goliath, those hopes were quickly dashed as Peyton Manning slightly underperformed with 300 pts, and Vince Young’s 320 points wasn’t quite enough against the best of the best.

Did anyone think that a team with LaDainian Tomlinson would highlight the pass? That’s exactly what the Vultures are doing with Chad Johnson (593 pts), Randy Moss (370 pts), and a still dependable Hines Ward leading the way. QBs Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger are proving to be steady hands – and explosive to boot after last week. If LT and the other running backs get it in gear, the Vultures could be in for a glorious regular season. Chris’ Redskins? Well, at least the real-life Redskins are 2-0. That’s gotta count for something right?

StickIT2Em (2157) vs The Dog Killers (2136)
Whew, what a game! Trailing by only a handful of points entering Monday night, StickIT2Em’s Clinton Portis rushed for 69 yards and a touchdown (217 pts) to power his team to a win against the Eages/Dog Killer’s defense (115 pts). Winning by 21 points isn’t sexy but it sure was a nail biter as Jake Delhomme aired it out for 425 points (to a streaking Deion Branch, 279 pts) to overcome the performances of Marc Bulger (339 pts) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (298 pts). There’s not many consoling words to say after a narrow defeat but chances are, somebody cheated and stole signs, I’ll guarantee it.

Next week: Call me Mr. G versus Ask About Me!, one of these 0-2 games will pick up a win. Who will it be?

A Rolling Moss

In an attempt to capture his first win, Chris trades away one of his treasured Redskins, Santana Moss, for Rich's Darrell Jackson. While Redskins! management was sad to lose Moss, an insider said "Moss was an overpriced prima donna anyway. We'd much rather have Jackson, who's much older and quieter." Rich also threw in his waiver wire pickup so that Chris could shore up his flagginging lineup.

Week 1

After a highly anticipated Week 1, it looks like 2000 is the magic number for a respectable outing. 2000 is the new 100, or so they say. While the scoring continues to confound everyone, the games have started so it’s time to stop complaining and to start playing. Here’s a quick look at Week One’s games.

El Nino’s (2163) vs Ask About Meeee!!! (2013)
With a projected score just seven points apart everyone knew that this match-up between Commissioner Will and CEO Hong would be close. Would youth beat experience? Was Will talking some trash talk beforehand even though he knew never to underestimate his boss? Uh-oh. With a pretty underwhelming performance from first round pick QB Drew Brees (78 pts), Will was already way behind. The aerial onslaught by Jon Kitna and Andrew Johnson (729 pts combined) wasn’t quite enough to offset Hong’s Eli Manning to Antonio Gates connection (779 pts). In the end, Will’s running backs coughed up the ball down the stretch – is LaMont Jordan pushing to come off the bench? -- and the Seahawks D (340 pts) toughened up and prevented Will from getting the last – or first – laugh.

Stick It 2 Em (1972) vs Call Me Mr. G (1730)
What happens when your two starting quarterbacks total 95 points? Simple, you lose. Then again, Jermaine did keep the game close through the heroics of WRs Marvin Harrison (246 pts) and Terrell Owens (309). In fact, while the search for a starting QB will continue – Byron Leftwich isn’t even on a team right now – Mr. G may have dialed up the rookie of the year, Adrian Peterson, who racked up a cool 413 points. Of course, Big Ben already has quite the running pair in Joseph Addai and Clinton Portis (617 pts combined). Like a real life version of the Panthers, Stick It 2 Em has Jake Delhomme at quarterback, a top tier receiver in Torry Holt, and a ferocious defense (Steelers, 445 pts) to set the tone for smash mouth football. Jermaine might have also found the break out WR of the year though in Ronald Curry, who tallied 10 receptions for 133 yards and a touchdown after leading all NFL receivers in catches the last four weeks of the season in 2006.

Vultures (2809) vs Renegadez (1665)
In all the time Will and his cohorts have been using this weird hyper-inflated scoring system, it’s possible they’ve never seen a score as high as the Vultures’ 2809 – in Week 1 no less. With Tony Romo (579 pts), Randy Moss (471), Ben Roethlisberger (343), and number one overall pick LT (314) leading the way, Thomas had the week of a lifetime. That listing doesn’t account for the many support roles played by big timers like Chad Johnson, Tatum Bell, and Hines Ward. Whew. Do you know how many TDs the two quarterbacks for the Vultures accounted for? Nine!!!

The Renegadez could of done spectacularly but still lost by a wide margin. The good news for them is that Edgerrin James is looking solid (294 pts), but that’s buttressed by the loss of starting QB Steve McNair. Next week, look for Rene’s Bears D to really roar and start to kick some ass.

Gutty Little Bruins (2357) vs Team Rich (1624)
After declaring himself as the best team ever, Rich may have to re-evaluate a little bit after coming within 25 points of being the worst team in the league in WK 1. I mean, maybe his theory is: “What goes down must come up?” Or was that the other way around? Either way, Rich probably couldn’t have held off pre-season favorite Gutty Little Bruins as Tae’s team had solid performances across the board from young QBs Jay Cutler (328), David Garrad (276) and their favorite targets, Steve Smith (335) and Javon Walker (283). Turns out, the big hole for these Bruins may not be at quarterback but running back, since Larry Johnson and Laurence Maroney combined for a mere 353 points.

The Best Team Ever may have America’s QB in Tom Brady (443 pts) but Rich better find someone to throw the ball to since his three WRs combined for an awful 232 points. It’s not like Roy Williams, Lee Evans, and Darrell Jackson aren’t their respective team’s number one receivers either. If nothing else, Team Rich must feel good about a solid 304 point performance from former MVP Shaun Alexander. Rich will be hoping to go from ashy to classy soon, but he may need a lot of help to do it.

The Dog Killers (2463) vs Redskins!!! (1609)
In a matchup of processor versus processor, Jon pretty much blew Chris out of the water. Sure, Peyton’s 414 points on Thursday night was a nice opening to the season for the Redskins – compared to a poor showing by the Killers’ Reggie Bush -- but after those fireworks, the best the rest of the Redskins could do was inch out 237 points from Willis McGahee. Plaxico Burress almost doubled that by himself on Sunday night, as he collected an astounding 508 points. With fellow receiver Reggie Wayne accounting for 340 points, the Dog Killers didn’t have to use much else in their overpowering win. In contrast, Chris’ three receivers and tight ends – A Boldin, S Moss, T Williamson, C Cooley – accounted for only 302 points combined. Chris may shred and file with the best of them but can his team catch?

Next week: Vultures vs Redskins!!! First versus worst, can Chris take the reigning champ – admittedly it’s been a short reign – down?!?